Actually listening to “Religious Nones”

I really, truly heard it for the first time: “I’m not missing something,” she said. “I don’t want you to see me as lacking. I’m perfectly fine without religion.” For some reason, I finally heard this loud and clear at a panel discussion last Friday night at the New England Synod of the ELCA (video forthcoming: 
http://www.nesynod.org 
Mad props for attempting to live stream it!)

The professional religious world has been talking a TON about “Religious nones” since the Pew study came out in October 2012 that documented one in five Americans has no religious affiliation and one in three under 30. We’ve been talking a ton. I’m not sure we’ve been listening to “religious nones” as much as we’ve been talking about “religious nones.”

I attend Church meetings professionally. It’s an occupational hazard. Church annual meetings are mostly insider baseball: committee reports, resolutions, budgets. Church annual meetings are a space where you can just print the lyrics and rest assured all the good Church people who’ve given up a Saturday to attend said meeting will know the tune.

"Religious Nones" panel at NE ELCA Synod. Photo by Andy Merritt

“Religious Nones” panel at NE ELCA Synod. Photo by Andy Merritt

The most recent Annual Synod Assembly of the New England Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America did two remarkable things: It invited ‘outsiders’ to speak to the gathered body and it actually listened to religious nones.

After the resolutions were debated and the work of the day done, newish Bishop Jim Hazelwood moderated an 1.5 hr panel with 6 “religious nones,” sitting in daytime television style, living room chairs before a room of approx. 500 Lutherans on a Friday night.  Each of the 6 panelists was invited to participate by a pastor. I think it speaks volumes about the deep and non-judgmental relationships between pastors and their non-religious friends that folks would attend and participate.

It feels reductive to summarize the careful, nuanced responses from the panelists. I hope you’ll watch the video. But some general themes I heard from the panel:

  • A perception that Church is an unsafe space for doubt and questioning. The panelists spoke of their high comfort level with not having “all the answers.”
  • A deep desire for authenticity. This commitment to authenticity may mean rejecting a singular religious label because it don’t adequately capture the multiple spiritual traditions someone finds meaningful. They named a fear of “being put in a box.”
  • A fear of being ‘an impostor.” The panelists spoke of not wanting to do things that they didn’t actually believe in.
  • Experiences of feeling overwhelmed by traditional worship services. I heard multiple panelists speak of feeling lost, unsure when to sit and stand, and intimidated. Panelists also spoke of thinking it odd to dress up for Church. As one put it “why should I get up early on a Sunday, get all dressed up, to watch people in weird robes?” This panelist found an easier point of entry with a smaller, Saturday evening service.
  • A number of the panelists, though not all, had some religious background. For these people, late teens and early twenties was a turning point in questioning and ultimately, leaving religion.
  • A deep, dare I say faithful, commitment to big ideas and values. The panelists had thought a lot about how they wanted to move through the world, how they wanted to live ethically, how they wanted to change their community. They just didn’t feel the need to do it within the bounds of a religious community.
  • A fullness to their own life and spirituality. As one panelist said, “I bristle at someone saying ‘I’ve got this thing you are missing.’ as if I’m lacking.”

It makes me deeply sad to hear again and again the panelists articulate a perception that religious communities are intolerant of doubt.

In Bishop Hazelwood’s report the next day, he reminded us that in the mission context of New England, 75% of all people do not participate in any type of faith community. But his big, bold move was this:  he challenged the Lutheran pastors to spend 25% of their time talking and listening to people outside their church. And he offered to go meet with any church council that balked at this re-allocation of the pastor’s time. Bishop Hazelwood made sure to say again and again “this panel is something you can do at your church.”

This panel is also something you can do at your denominational annual meeting. In my experience of attending annual meetings, we talk a lot about new mission starts and outreach/evangelism. We talk a lot amongst ourselves. What if 25% of our time gathered thinking about the future of the Church was with people from outside the Church?

More than “Boston Strong”

Trinitarian Congregational Church, Concord MA

Sunday April 28, 2013

Image

Chalk drawings on Mt. Auburn Ave, Watertown

31 When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. 32 If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once. 33 Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, “Where I am going, you cannot come.’ 34 I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:31-35

 

After it was all done, with feet back on land, her body temperature slowly rising again, she said “It was one of those rare occasions in life when things turn out better than you ever imagined.” On August 7, 1987, a 30-year-old woman who learned how to swim just up the road in Manchester New Hampshire, began in Alaska and swam across the Bering Strait. For two hours and six minutes, in water that started at 43F and dropped to 38, Lynne Cox swam across the US-Soviet Border for the first time in 48 years. “Experts believe she succeeded because of a combination of determination and her own body fat which insulated her like a seal.“ tactfully opined the BBC.  Swimmers may be unlikely diplomats, but Lynne’s symbolic act cut through the silent glaring of the Cold War. At a signing of a nuclear weapons treaty later that year, Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev praised Lynne, saying “She proved by her courage how closely to each other our people live.” Just 2.7 miles. Just that close.  Let us pray…

If you have been to church even once before today, chances are you’ve heard the gospel lesson from John. This is the new commandment, that you love one another. Except that there’s nothing terribly new about it. Love one another. Got it. Heard it in the Old Testament, Heard it in the New Testament.  Not throwing stones at neighbors. Letting those newcomers sit in the good seats in my pew on Christmas Eve, no less. Love one another. This is children’s sermon stuff. Love one another. Let’s sign up for coffee hour duty and call it a day here. We’ve got things to do.

Except, that the weight of this passage is lost by taking it out of the full chapter. We separate ourselves from the strength of this passage. The Lectionary committee did what is so tempting to do, cutting and cropping and segmenting our lives. These five verses are placed right in the middle of denial and betrayal.  Look at Chapter 13. Before these verses in 13:21, Jesus says to his disciples, “One of you will betray me.”  After these verse, Jesus tells Simon Peter “Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.”  This love Jesus names in verse 34 is spoken into betrayal and denial by those closest to him.  You who will deny me, you who will betray me: Love one another. It’s a love not contingent on the disciples’ good behavior, but on Christ’s Love. Love one another as I have loved you- without reservation, without condition, without consideration that you will return this love.

And again, the passage turns. In verse 35, Jesus says “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” The love is not just for the disciples, but for a public witness to the world. Jesus expects the community of his followers to behave in such a thoroughly different way that people will KNOW that “you are my disciples.” It’s public. It’s perceptible. This love is fierce, and it’s visible.

A friend of mine works in elder services on the South Shore of Massachusetts. She told me once of a man in his 80’s who had kept his loving relationship with another man, his ‘housemate’ a secret for years. When his companion died, there was no community to hold his grief. He drove around and around the South Shore looking for a church to visit, a sanctuary to sit, to pray, to sing, maybe to feel another human’s touch even if just in the passing of the peace. He looked for a church that might be friendly, a church that would not betray his love. He drove past church sign after church sign, none signaling a safe harbor. For love to be visible, it must be recognizable. For a grieving man driving alone in a 1984 Cutlass Ciera who had not walked into a church in half a century, the words “Open and Affirming” meant nothing. He was looking for a visible sign, perhaps a recognizable flag, that the love of God could be extended, even to him.

Jesus is pressing his followers for fierce, visible, explicit love, even in fractured community. My now deceased maternal grandmother had a habit of sending newspaper clippings through the mail, in repurposed envelopes. No note, no explanation. The message was implied. I think I was supposed to infer something like “I read this article and it made me think of you. Love Gran.” Jesus is asking the disciples to send those newspaper clippings and actually write out the implied message. The command is to make a gesture so identifiable that others immediately recognize the love that shortens the distance between us fractured humans- a swim across the Bering Strait to an enemy’s shore, a flag of inclusion, a handwritten note that actually says “love Gran.”  These gestures of visible love aren’t just for the benefit of a closed community, but to show what God is like to the world beyond the community.

Perhaps more than any other time in recent history, our state has been visible these past two weeks. We prepared for a Patriot’s Day weekend when the whole world would watch. Dean Jep Streit of St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral in Boston (who ran the marathon many times) once remarked to a friend that he loved the Boston Marathon because it was a world-class athletic event that anyone, with some grit and preparation, could participate in. The Boston Marathon is high on excellence, broad on participation- which on our best days we aim for in Church too. And then, we became visible in ways entirely not chosen by us. In the midst of all the pain and anxiety of the past two weeks, we have seen fierce, visible signs of love for one another.

We have seen the same hospitals proving medical care for the victims and the perpetrators of violence.  When their churches were still a crime scene, Old South worshipping at Church of the Covenant, Trinity Copley at Temple Israel.  When a Palestinian Muslim woman was knocked down in Malden and young men who look “foreign” on the MBTA were stared at too long, many rabbis and pastors attending Friday prayers this week at the mosques in Roxbury and Cambridge. When he could see police with machine guns from his parsonage window, Fr. Arakel went across the street to St. James’ Armenian Orthodox Church in Watertown to let the police search the sanctuary, make them coffee and let the first responders charge their cell phones to text their own worried families. We have seen powerful signs of fierce love that rebuilds our fractured community.

And yet, we have more work to do.  You know this. Even with a suspect arrested, we are far from done attending to this experience. As Christians, we have an obligation to our common, public life to offer visible signs that acknowledge our pain, not merely mask it. Even if we want desperately to be “Boston Strong,” a win by Red Sox’s can’t save us from our grief.  “Boston  Strong” is not enough to will our way to wholeness. Resiliency is not something we can buy. Sam Adams Brewers have put in a trademark application for a “Boston Strong” Beer. Already 8 other companies have trademark applications in for “Boston Strong;” You can buy “Boston Strong” hats, tee-shirts, bumper-stickers, tattoos, coffee, beer. Almost immediately, “Boston Strong” became something to consume. Six months from now, when we lay awake wondering whether a police siren starts another manhunt, it will not be “Sweet Caroline” we sing to ourselves to calm frayed nerves.  We cannot just be critics of signs, but as Christians we are obliged to be creators.  What are the stories, songs, narratives of grief and redemption that we can offer? Even in our own grief, we have work to do. Scripture offers a vision of heaven like a city. God doesn’t vacuum up the righteous in the rapture, but instead God comes to dwell and redeem our communal living.

You heard it in the text we read from Revelation 21: “And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.” The heavenly city is not a place of poverty or violence but restored relationships, bursting full and inhabited by that glorious global mix of people you catch a glimpse of on Commonwealth Ave. Maybe one reason that the Boston Marathon is so symbolically powerful is that people run towards a city, not flee from it.

For a part of the country notoriously slow to warm up to outsiders, many, many writers have said over the past few days that we were all made Bostonians by the events of the last two weeks. I feel it too. Those were my streets that were bombed. Those were my neighbors injured. That was my apartment under lockdown. How many of you are not originally from this area? You know how hard it can be to break in, to be a home here in New England where the ‘new church’ was built in the 1800’s and the ‘new family’ has been here for 3 generations. History weighs heavy here.  Places are made sacred by prayer or death, sometimes both. Maybe we have been made one city by acts of death. The challenge next is to be made one by acts of visible love.

It was just 2.7 miles across the Bering Straight between Alaska and the Soviet Republic. For comparison sake, it’s 2.7 miles as the crow flies from the door of this church to MCI (Massachusetts Correctional Institution) Concord. That’s how far. That’s how close. In this place it is entirely possible to live 2.7 miles from one another and keep up our New England stonewalls of silence between neighbors. In this place, it is entirely possible to live just 26.2 miles apart and have entirely different experiences of safety and security, education and opportunity, life and death. Jesus speaks, into the brokenness of community a new commandment of Love.  Look for the place this week where you can offer a visible sign of love. Fierce love. Love not for the lovable, but for those who would deny you or betray you. Offer some superfluous sign of love that rebuilds fractured community. That is just how simple and how hard the Gospel is.

An Interfaith Litany to #PrayForBoston

Bishop Devadhar and others pray with Stan Smith, a member of Union UMC who was running the Boston Marathon when the explosions happened. Photo & Article by Alexx Wood http://www.neumc.org/news/detail/773

Bishop Devadhar and others pray with Stan Smith, a member of Union UMC who was running the Boston Marathon when the explosions happened. Photo & Article by Alexx Wood http://www.neumc.org/news/detail/773

Please feel free to use or adapt this litany for your personal or public use. I ask that you attribute it.

Behold, I will bring health and healing to the city. I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.~Jeremiah 33:6

This is what we do when we don’t know what else to do. We cling to one another, voice our grief, and offer up our prayers to God. Please join in the response, Heal Us, and Reveal to Us the Abundance of Peace and Truth.

We pray for the dead, remembering Martin Richard of Dorchester, Krystle Campbell of Arlington, Lingzi Lu of Shenyang, China and Boston University, and those who may die still. May the God of Life welcome them into that place where there is no pain or grief.  In this hour of darkness, surround their families with a peace that passes all understanding.  Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the wounded. Bodies trained for running, hands trained clapping have been forever damaged. Our eyes have seen more than they ever should. Our ears still ring with the blast in the streets. We pray for runners who never finished the race. Attend to the wounded bodies and spirits of the survivors.Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the EMTs, doctors, nurses and staff who tend to brokenness. Soothe those whose feet ache after hours and hours of attending to broken bodies. Bind up their unseen wounds. Make steady shaky hands, mend broken hearts and wipe away every tear. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the police, fire and emergency personnel who risk their own safety to preserve ours.  We pray for our neighbors who serve in the National Guard. In a time of chaos and uncertainty, O God, steady those who protect us. For generations, you have been our refuge and our strength.  Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for our counselors, clergy and mental health professionals. May they guide troubled minds and broken spirits. Bless those who devote themselves to the care of others. Give them strength for the long days ahead. Gracious God,Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the media, our reporters and photographers. We give thanks for those who strive to share stories of suffering and hope. We remember that all who work telling stories of truth and beauty, return home to their own families. Flush their eyes. Renew their passion. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the students, visitors and tourists far from home. Give them comfort in a strange city. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for those who make their homes on our streets, displaced from familiar areas of the downtown. Strengthen our resolve to work for a more just, free and secure society. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for our children startled by such chaos in our streets. Give us wisdom to raise them up in the paths of peace. Be with our city’s parents, teachers and child care providers who try to answer the questions of anxious children. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the FBI, the investigators and all who guide our justice system. Help us not seek vengeance but truth and justice.  Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for the perpetrators of violence. We confess the dark places in our own hearts that lust for revenge. Give us a love stronger than hate and a peace stronger than violence. May peace flow through our city like the Charles River. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

Convict us to rise above the hatred that wrought such violence. Guide us to resist gossip and rumor. Preserve us from quick judgments. Give us wisdom in the days ahead. Reveal to us peace and truth. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

We pray for our President Barack, our Governor Deval, our Mayor Tom, and all our elected officials. Give them gentle words and wise hearts in the days ahead. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

Train our eyes to see acts of kindness in our city. Prod our hands to reach out to strangers. Silence our tongues when we are tempted to lash out in frustration and fear. Give us all words of comfort and love. Gracious God,  Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

Give us the courage to endure what cannot be avoided. Bring us hope that we will be made equal with whatever lies ahead. Bind us together as a city on a hill. Knit us together as a Commonwealth. Draw near to us in this time of sorrow. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

Even as we grieve, we will remain steadfast in charity, defiant in hope, and constant in prayer. Though the race before us this day is hard, remind us again and again, that we do not take a single step alone. Gracious God, Heal us and reveal to us the abundance of peace and truth.

Let the People say, AMEN.